To 40-year-old Chloe,
I bet right now your sat on the sofa, probably watching Grey’s Anatomy or one of the several soap opera’s you’re so obsessed with… I’m sure nothing has changed there, I bet you still love nothing more than relaxing with the remote in your hand and a big bag of crispy m&m’s to munch on.
Firstly, I hope your happy. Not ‘had a great day’ happy, properly truly happy. I hope the darkness that followed you for so long has faded, even if only a little. At 24 you took each day as it came, bracing yourself for the next wave of stress, the next low, the next bout of anxiety. I hope that at 40, the day’s blend slightly, that the roller-coaster you spent so long riding is less of a white knuckle ride…
I hope the stress of those early years of motherhood haven’t left you with premature wrinkles and grey hair, I hope the stretch marks have faded and you’ve finally given up on the flat stomach dream. I hope you’ve accepted that every mark, every imperfection, every freckle, is exactly what makes you, you. More than anything I hope that others accepted you for who you are too.
Did you finally pass your driving test? Have you finally given up smoking? Did you finally conquer your addiction to sugar? I’m not expecting you to be sipping on green tea, but something had to give…
At 24 you knew you had so much to give, you knew you could achieve if only you believed in yourself… did you get the degree you spent so many years wishing you’d get the chance to do?
The children will be 21 and 19 now, and I bet they have become truly amazing young adults. I hope you and Mia are still the best of friends, I hope that when no-one else is listening, she still calls you her queen. I bet she’s a nurse now, or a vet, she was so unbelievably caring from such a young age that I just know she’s going to achieve so much.
As for Theo, well he’s one in a million isn’t he? I know how fiercely protective you will be of him, I know that now he’s all grown up and making his own way in life you’ll be worrying about his allergies if he still has them. If you ever doubt yourself, just remember, you got him where he is today. You saved him so many times, and he may not say it, but he’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.
Did you have fun? Did you take holidays, treat yourself more? You really need to make sure you focus on you, I know you find it hard, I know you want to care for everyone else, but you are what is important. I hope you have more tattoo’s, more piercings, I hope you’ve covered yourself and filled your life with more of what you love.
40-year-old Chloe, I hope your laughing, I hope you’re smiling, I hope your living the life you always imagined. I’m rooting for you.