If Only You’d Stayed…

If Only You’d Stayed…

I didn’t plan you, or expect you. You took me by surprise, but as soon as I saw you on that screen I loved you.

A tiny flicker, a little life.

For the first time in a long time, I felt worthy. You’d grown within me, I was good enough. I basked in the joy of carrying you for only a few short weeks before your tiny heart stopped beating and you passed away.

I don’t remember much of that day, I held it all together and went off to school pick up like nothing had happened.

But inside I was broken. The pain of losing you was like no other.

I was lost. Lost within those words, the next steps, the look on the sonographer’s face  and the arms of my best friend.

Everyone was talking about procedures and protocol, they were all so cold.

I’d failed, I wasn’t good enough after all.

Maybe you knew my world was tough, but I wish you knew that you’d have made it so much better.

Your big brother and sister would have adored you, it would have been the four of us against the world.

If only you’d stayed.

My arms will ache forever, a piece of my heart always with you.

You were with me for such a short while, but you’ll be in my heart forever.

Sweet dreams, my precious baby. I’ll always wonder who you would have been.

miscarriage baby loss awareness week

Baby Loss Awareness Week is held annually from 9 to 15 October. It’s a special opportunity to mark the brief lives of babies lost in pregnancy or at or soon after birth.

There is nothing anyone can do or say to make the pain of miscarriage/baby loss ease, but charities such as SANDS and The Miscarriage Association offer invaluable support and advice during unbearable times.

Please, do not hesitate to get in touch taoallergymummy@gmail.com.


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  1. Katie Skeoch 12th October 2017 / 9:44 pm

    So sorry, beautiful words xx

  2. Glutarama 13th October 2017 / 9:05 pm

    Well done sweetheart, beautifully written, this will help others and hopefully has helped you xxx

  3. Rhyming with Wine 15th October 2017 / 8:01 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss and I can only imagine what you must have been through. This is so moving and beautifully written. I really admire you for sharing your story and reaching out to others in support. Sending love. Thank you for linking this to #DreamTeam. xx

  4. Jules ( shadesofcourage.com) 17th October 2017 / 8:06 pm

    A lovely post. I am sorry for your loss and applaud your courageous decision to blog about your traumatic experience. It is just not right that miscarriages are something that is not openly talked about.

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