Am I A Part-Time Mum?

did i love you enough

Taking a trip to somewhere new, alone, is daunting for most. Couple that with severe anxiety, and a whole heap of Mummy guilt, and you have yourself a difficult weekend!

On Saturday I travelled to Manchester for the Allergy Blog Awards, in total the journey took 7 hours, 7 long tedious hours there and another 7 back. I’d never been to Manchester before so understandably I was worrying about everything from what dress to wear to whether I’d end up lost in the middle of nowhere hours away from home.

This weekend was also my weekend with the children, they go to daddy’s every other weekend so my time with them is precious. But my trip to Manchester had been booked for months, long before the co-parenting arrangements had been put in place, and my mum assured me they’d have loads of fun without me, so I decided to take the trip anyway.

But I felt sick with guilt, would they think I didn’t want to spend time with them? Would they be angry? The thought of them missing me is hard, and apart from mornings and evenings on week nights, I won’t get proper quality time with them again for a fortnight.

I’m guessing that some of my fear was triggered by the anxiety surrounding my travels, mix it all up and you have one churned up Mummy…

How do you find the balance? Co-parenting and ‘working from home’ is harder than I thought, I want to be a mother who provides for her children, I want them to have the best that I can give, and to do that I have to travel sometimes and be tapping away at the laptop most nights…

I just don’t want them to grow up believing that I didn’t put them first.

Thankfully, my trip went without a hitch, I didn’t get lost and I actually didn’t scrub up too badly either! It was lovely to finally meet other free from bloggers properly and we had a really good night celebrating our achievements.

But my babies weren’t far from my mind, I wanted more than anything to get the next train home and scoop them up into my arms.

There are so many adjustments to get used too when you share the responsibility and care of your children, and it all came to a head this weekend.

Deep down I know that they are proud of me, and that their love for me is unconditional, at 3 and 5 they don’t truly know anger and that the three of us cherish our time together more than ever before…

But it doesn’t stop me wondering, am I a part-time mum?

Am I A Part-Time Mum?

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Quite Frankly She Said Sunday Best

6 Comments

  1. Rebecca Smith 26th February 2017 / 8:46 pm

    Chloe, you were amazing sweetheart, I knew how you would be feeling being an anxious self doubting analyser myself. My two had a wonderful time and were full of beans when we collected them, as yours will have been. Time away from mum is good, for them and you. It’s clear they ooze pride for their mummy and being a motivated, focused blogger will in turn teach them key skills setting them up for life. You are a role model, a carer, a provider and a loving cuddle to them…ticks all the boxes doesn’t it? I’ll answer that for you before doubting Chloe butts in…it’s a YES xxx

    • Chloe Weir 27th February 2017 / 7:12 pm

      Thanks sweet! So lovely to meet you – I think regular free from blogger get together’s are required! x

  2. Amy Stainthorpe 2nd March 2017 / 11:36 am

    I think Mum guilt is one of the hardest things to shake off and realistically we never will. But you know what? I think having some ‘me’ time or an avenue of independence (such as work or trips) where you are not ‘only a Mum’ , gives you that chance to take a breather and ultimately makes you a better Mum at home x

  3. Liz Petrone 5th March 2017 / 8:08 pm

    Oh the guilt!! When I first had my first, I called my best friend (who had her baby years before) and yelled WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GUILT?? She said it gets better, and it does, but it’s always there. You’re not alone, mama. Xoxo

  4. Hayley McLean 11th March 2017 / 10:45 pm

    I totally relate to this. I’m a work at home mum too and the guilt is completely over powering sometimes. I feel like sometimes its perhaps harder in a way because whereas if I was out at an office all day then I’d be gone and they would have to get on with it without me, but because they know I’m right there in the next room they cry for me more I think and pull on my heart strings more…so I give in which means work goes unfinished. Argh its hard! And the trips are SO hard too.
    You are doing a fabulous job and you’re giving them such a role model to look to, dont let the guilt drag you down. Thanks for joining us at #SundayBest, hope to see you again tomorrow! x

  5. Sian QuiteFranklySheSaid 12th March 2017 / 9:14 am

    It’s hard to shake the mum guilt isn’t it ! You’re definitely not apart time mum. Thank you for linking up to #SundayBest x

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